TOD 01.24.08

Every time I write a column, I get at least a handful of very angry responses. These used to baffle me because they almost always seemed to come from people who had not understood what I had written. So I would try to clarify things. Then I realized something. It wasn’t that they hadn’t finished the article or that they hadn’t understood what I was saying.

Instead, the problem was that they can’t understand what I’m saying. Not because I don’t say it well (not usually, anyway), but because what I’m saying is literally too painful for them to comprehend. Since something in them knows that what I’ve said is right (and dangerous to them), the only way to deny it is to misunderstand it and show the misunderstanding to be wrong. This explains both the anger (usually a sign of fear) as well as the lack of comprehension.

So now that I’ve grasped this, I usually just thank them for taking the time to read my column and share their thoughts. Who am I to push twice on a fragile point in someone’s mind? That would just be mean.