On missing the right thing.

In the process of going through my emails (some of which dated back to the beginning of the program in 2005), I was both gratified and saddened. Gratified by all the notes of appreciation people had sent over the years, but of course saddened by precisely the same thing. Every email only made me consider all the other emails that would now not be coming.

And part of me obviously was missing the unique ego-stoking that comes from appreciative praise. But that wasn’t the main thing bothering me. After all, if that’s what I really loved about receiving those notes (and thus also what I will most miss about not receiving them) then I really am quite a self-centered person. But that’s not really the point at all.

You see, every time someone took the time to share their happiness about some aspect of the show, it always meant that somehow they had experienced something so positive that it literally overflowed back out of them into an email. The emails, you might say, were just the signs of the real events which had already taken place. And since one should never cherish the sign more than that which it signifies, it is the loss of such impact on the hearts and minds of listeners which I find most difficult to contemplate.