The honor of honesty.

This past weekend, we arranged to have another couple come over Sunday evening at 5PM. We knew there was a chance they might not be coming because he was tired, so we confirmed plans at church that morning. During the afternoon, my boys kept pestering me to go to the park, but by the time they asked there wasn’t enough time to go and return before our friends arrived. So I told them it would have to be another time, but I felt bad about having to tell them no. My wife also made some adjustments to her schedule because we were expecting our friends at 5.

Then the unpleasant thing happened. At 4:54 I got an email apologizing for having to cancel. Partially because we were looking forward to the fun of having them over, but more because we had inconvenienced ourselves and our kids in accommodating their arrival, we were both irritated.

So I replied to the email and told them the basic truth: We love you, but we’re annoyed. There’s nothing to be done about it, and we forgive you. We just wanted you to know.

It would have been far easier to not say anything. And in fact, if we didn’t love them as much as we do and respect them as much as we do, we would have done just that. But instead, we decided to pay them the compliment of honesty, thus honoring their importance to us and also their ability to not be offended by the truth. And what could have become a wedge in our relationship has instead now become a source of growth and intimacy. Are friends really friends who need to conceal their true feelings from each other?

Of course, we’ll have to see what happens the next time they get invited over to hang out with the high-strung and rudely honest Tallmans.