Repentance deeper than deeds

It seems to me there are two very different sorts of advice we might give to help people in struggling marriages.

The first type is what I might call typical marriage advice based on improving behavior. “Here, try these tactics. Buy her flowers. Spend some time talking with her. Do a couple of the around-the-house tasks you know she would like you to do. Give her a neck massage. Tell her how much you appreciate everything she does.”

But there’s a very different kind of advice which is given much less often. “Think about the vows you made to love her unconditionally. Consider what marriage is and what it requires. Remember what your wife has done for you and how much of who you are is because of her.”

Now, surely both sorts of advice are useful and mutually compatible. But notice that Romans 12 says to be transformed by the renewing of your mind, not by the renewing of your behavior. If God gives us the Bible so we can be moved by pondering what He has done for us, perhaps that same model could prove useful in other areas as well.