TOD 02.27.08

Much of the wisdom we need to live well comes from simply understanding our desires and motivations and manipulating them for a purpose. For instance, my father recently told me that he always encourages singles to date a lot of people at the same time rather than having a series of exclusive relationships. This immediately struck me as tremendous wisdom because of what it does for decent people.

The reason most singles have trouble resisting premarital physical affection is that they don’t properly view it as infidelity. At best, it’s cheating on a potential, future person. Most of them would find it much easier to avoid such activity if it seemed like cheating on a whole group of real, current people. Ironically, dating many people gives both the boundaries we need and also the honorable excuse we might be glad to have. “I wouldn’t do that to them, just as I wouldn’t do it to you,” is both easier to say and sounds much more virtuous than, “I won’t do that with you.”

When we date many, we have sex with none. When we date one, we have sex with many. Contrary to what most people practice, the best way to preserve marriage may actually be to avoid imitating it before the fact.