Thought of the Day 12.03.09

Imagine for a moment a fairly common problem in marriages: a spouse who doesn’t understand what the other spouse wants. For instance, let’s say a wife believes that her husband cares deeply about having the house nice and clean (perhaps because her own father did) when in truth he doesn’t care about that at all. Two consequences might follow from this error.

First alternative, she continually cleans the house and feels proud of herself. But, since he doesn’t care, her sense of wifely devotion is falsely inflated, which is why his lack of appreciation frustrates her. Also, in the effort to give him what he doesn’t want, she neglects doing other things that would, in fact, genuinely please him.

Second alternative, she rarely cleans the house and feels inadequate as a wife. Even though he’s quite satisfied with her, her unfounded guilt prevents her from knowing this. And if he ever does remark on the house, even just as a practical matter, she takes it very personally and feels defensive, leading to additional problems.

If you understand this catch-22, here’s the question: how sure are you that the things you’re proud of and also the things you’re ashamed of are actually things that your Lord God cares about?