TOD 11.30.07

At lunch yesterday I was talking with a friend about how quickly his mind works, and I told him that it would be more loving for him to slow down for other people and explain things more thoroughly to them. Since communication is about working with people rather than by ourselves, this is correct advice. But he pointed out something equally important in response.

He said that too much accommodating other people winds up allowing them to dominate and destroy our own identity. He’s exactly right. Just as it is unloving to not accommodate others, it is also unloving to allow them to so control our interaction that we lose who we are in the process. Love must affirm the value of both participants.

The main goal of wise love is that others become loving as well. That’s why love yields to them but also encourages yielding in response. Too much accommodation seems like love, but it’s really just selfishness depriving them of giving the gift of accommodating us. It’s not loving at all to allow others to remain unloving toward us.