TOD 09.28.07

I’ve been married for ten years, and sometimes my wife and I, having two different brains as we do, don’t always agree. I suspect we are not alone in this. When spouses disagree, there are essentially four options. The first is to quit on the relationship and get divorced. Not such a great option. The second is to fight to win by vanquishing the other. Of course, sometimes wars yield no winners at all, and, if practiced often, this approach can easily lead to option one.

The third is to discover the danger areas and then avoid them like potholes. Agreeing to disagree in a sort of permanent détente, couples thus sometimes choose a cold war just to avoid the live fire. If they don’t know what real peace looks like, people can even think this is healthy. The fourth is to learn how to love your differences, fight fairly, and develop an organic relationship based on openness and compassion. This approach says, “I accept all of you, and my love for you is greater than any fight we have, or all the fights put together.”

You know, I’ve been talking about marriage, but now I suddenly wonder whether these ideas might not also apply to the way we argue with our fellow citizens about politics. Well, probably not. We don’t love them that much, right?