Thought of the Day 03.11.10

One of the websites I find fascinating is Post Secret, where people share their secrets on self-made post cards. I recently read one which said, “The real reason I don’t want to have kids is I’m afraid if my husband and I divorce, no one will want to be with a woman who has children.”

The tragedy of such an honest self-disclosure is not so much what it says about this woman’s view of children or her self-centeredness, but what it says about our culture’s view of marriage. We have so degraded the idea of permanent commitment in marriage to the point that it has actually become a matter of prudence to plan for a divorce just like any other undesirable event. Sometimes they do this even before getting married, as with a pre-nuptial agreement.

What should be obvious to this woman, but apparently is not, is that by planning to preserve her options she is actively violating her vow to forsake all others (even hypothetical future mates who wouldn’t want her with kids). Although this woman has already made a covenant “’til death do us part,” she wants to be sure that she is most easily able to find another man with whom to make that covenant again in case she breaks this one. She’s of course also actually increasing her chances of needing to find such a man.

Is she foolish? Is she evil? Or is she merely a product of her culture? And if so, how much responsibility do the rest of us have for allowing this mindset to develop all around us?