Ethan (our 3-year-old) has developed the habit of demanding what he wants in a fairly shrill tone of voice. “Gib me one dos cookies!” So, we’ve recently been focusing on tone, form of address, and using the word please. Now, whenever he forgets, I’ll say, “That’s not the way you ask for something.” He’s pretty quick to rephrase, “Please, daddy, can I have a cookie?”
Unfortunately, he’s now beginning to make a fairly understandable mistake in his thinking. He thinks this new language game is about satisfying me rather than about him needing to learn basic social skills for his own benefit. This leads him to imagine his new magic wand will get him things he otherwise wouldn’t. “Please, daddy, can I play with your nail gun?” “No, son, but good job asking properly.”
Naturally, I still base my decisions on his welfare. The word may be “magic,” but it doesn’t magically make daddy stupid. As the man in charge of his future, I must still often refuse him, even though I’m glad he’s finally praying to me in just the right way.
Thought of the Day 12.14.09
I talk a lot about the ethics of driving, a fact which might strike some of you as a sort of peculiar moral obsession. Perhaps. But allow me to notice that there are basically three types of reactions to my driving comments.
The first person agrees with my assessments and is glad I’m promoting virtue in a daily activity like driving. The second person doesn’t necessarily enjoy hearing his own flaws exposed, but recognizes that it’s good for him. The third person is annoyed with me for intruding into his life by making these grandiose moral pronouncements about his driving, something he’s been doing all his life and knows at least as much about as any snot-nosed punk on the radio. talk radio host.
If you happen to otherwise be a moral conservative but still react in this latter way, today is a good day for you. The reason it’s good is because your irritation at me for constantly nitpicking your driving habits should give you a small sense of what it’s like for sexually immoral people to hear us constantly talk about their misbehaviors.
Thought of the Day 12.11.09
This morning, I finally figured out why it’s so irritating when other drivers change speeds on me. It’s because they’ve lied to me. See, driving is essentially a long series of short-term interactions with other drivers which requires us to predict their behavior in the near future and make our own moves accordingly.
Thus, when someone goes 60 on the highway, he is sending a message which says, “I will continue driving 60 unless I have to brake suddenly.” But when I pass him at the speed limit and he accelerates to 65, he is breaking the promise his prior driving had made. Being lied to in this way is extremely frustrating, especially since I’ve accommodated myself to the false information he was pedaling (sorry).
Loving our neighbor in driving means keeping them safe at the very least and helping them enjoy it at the very best. Achieving the predictability required by both goals entails a moral duty to send other drivers as much true information about our intentions as possible. This, by the way, should also explain why it is so patently immoral not to use turn signals properly.
Thus, when someone goes 60 on the highway, he is sending a message which says, “I will continue driving 60 unless I have to brake suddenly.” But when I pass him at the speed limit and he accelerates to 65, he is breaking the promise his prior driving had made. Being lied to in this way is extremely frustrating, especially since I’ve accommodated myself to the false information he was pedaling (sorry).
Loving our neighbor in driving means keeping them safe at the very least and helping them enjoy it at the very best. Achieving the predictability required by both goals entails a moral duty to send other drivers as much true information about our intentions as possible. This, by the way, should also explain why it is so patently immoral not to use turn signals properly.
Thought of the Day 12.10.09
Yesterday, I had a really neat opportunity to be a “celebrity” judge for a grade school spelling bee. Recalling my own somewhat mixed emotional memories from childhood spelling bees, I was eager to see how the process looked through adult eyes. I was not disappointed.
The most notable thing was the way the kids responded to the spellers. They were all soundly applauded when introduced. Then, every time someone got a word right, the place erupted with nearly deafening claps and hoorays. And whenever someone got a word wrong, the whole audience sighed in sadness, as if to say, “We’re sorry, too, and we’re with you.” This was of course immediately followed by reaffirming applause for having tried their best, despite failure. And then, predictably, there was a final round of applause for all the competitors at the end.
I obviously can’t know whether it would have been any different in another venue, but I do know one thing for sure: this environment of support and encouragement was extremely satisfying to find in a Christian grade school.
The most notable thing was the way the kids responded to the spellers. They were all soundly applauded when introduced. Then, every time someone got a word right, the place erupted with nearly deafening claps and hoorays. And whenever someone got a word wrong, the whole audience sighed in sadness, as if to say, “We’re sorry, too, and we’re with you.” This was of course immediately followed by reaffirming applause for having tried their best, despite failure. And then, predictably, there was a final round of applause for all the competitors at the end.
I obviously can’t know whether it would have been any different in another venue, but I do know one thing for sure: this environment of support and encouragement was extremely satisfying to find in a Christian grade school.
Thought of the Day 12.08.09
Last night, we spent an hour talking about the ethics of contraception, an issue which is notable mostly for not being an issue at all for the vast majority of Americans, both Christian and secular. As usually happens in these discussions, someone called to ask about getting married and waiting to have kids so as to pay off debts, in her case to facilitate going to the mission field.
I responded with a simple question: “If contraception were either unavailable or illegal (as it historically has been), would your marriage plans be any different?” She answered that they wouldn’t, and to her credit, I believe she immediately understood the reasoning behind both my question and her answer.
The truth is that technology has created and the law has permitted many things which Christians must pretend are not so. Though divorce is available, I must ignore the fact. Though abortion and pornography and even adultery are allowed, I must act as if they are not. And since contraception is such a grave moral evil (for reasons I obviously haven’t explained here), our simple duty in this society is to pretend it does not exist.
I responded with a simple question: “If contraception were either unavailable or illegal (as it historically has been), would your marriage plans be any different?” She answered that they wouldn’t, and to her credit, I believe she immediately understood the reasoning behind both my question and her answer.
The truth is that technology has created and the law has permitted many things which Christians must pretend are not so. Though divorce is available, I must ignore the fact. Though abortion and pornography and even adultery are allowed, I must act as if they are not. And since contraception is such a grave moral evil (for reasons I obviously haven’t explained here), our simple duty in this society is to pretend it does not exist.
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