This morning, Spencer was twirling Sage around on his back by the legs on our bed. At first he was laughing, but then he stopped smiling and started complaining mildly. I immediately told Spencer to stop because “Sage doesn’t like that.” “But daddy, he was laughing about it,” he replied.
At this point, I realized I needed to be very careful how I proceeded because there were really two different things going on here. On the one hand, Spencer was doing what Sage didn’t enjoy, which needed some correction. But on the other hand, Spencer clearly was trying to entertain Sage and had been correct in sensing his early enjoyment, which I wanted to encourage and praise.
So, I said, “Well, honey, you have to keep paying attention because he can change quickly from liking something to being upset by it. But I’m really glad you’re playing with him, and I like that you’re paying attention to whether he likes it. That’s good.”
One of the great challenges of parenting is to nurture the good and also discourage the bad things kids do, especially when both are present in the same behavior.
Thought of the Day 11.04.09
As someone who loves language, I regularly find myself in a linguistic bind. On the one hand, I can use the word or grammatical construction which is common but which I know to be inaccurate. On the other hand, I can use the correct word or construction, knowing this will make me sound strange to most people. Loving others enough to want them unhindered in hearing my ideas, this dilemma vexes me. My normal solution is to find a different, correct way of saying the same thing without sounding weird…or British.
Consider the simple word “assume.” If, based on past experience, I say, “I assume he’ll pay his bill,” someone will likely quip about what happens to both of us when one assumes, heh, heh. Cute, but not helpful. See, “assume” can have many meanings, but “to form a belief recklessly” is not one of them. On the contrary, making an assumption requires some sort of reasoning process rather than wild (and imprudent) guessing.
To avoid this problem, I’m willing to use another word when I mean that I’ve thought about it and formed a rational conclusion. But what word should I use? Infer? Suppose? Reason? Surmise? Deduce? Presume? “Yes, Mr. Holmes. Quite so.” Only “assume” is not awkward in such expressions.
So, feeling like my culture has betrayed the language I love, I’m left without a satisfactory alternative. This makes me grumpy because I assume there’s just no way to win here.
Consider the simple word “assume.” If, based on past experience, I say, “I assume he’ll pay his bill,” someone will likely quip about what happens to both of us when one assumes, heh, heh. Cute, but not helpful. See, “assume” can have many meanings, but “to form a belief recklessly” is not one of them. On the contrary, making an assumption requires some sort of reasoning process rather than wild (and imprudent) guessing.
To avoid this problem, I’m willing to use another word when I mean that I’ve thought about it and formed a rational conclusion. But what word should I use? Infer? Suppose? Reason? Surmise? Deduce? Presume? “Yes, Mr. Holmes. Quite so.” Only “assume” is not awkward in such expressions.
So, feeling like my culture has betrayed the language I love, I’m left without a satisfactory alternative. This makes me grumpy because I assume there’s just no way to win here.
Thought of the Day 11.03.09
Acts 3-4 tells a story about the apostles healing a man who was crippled his entire life. In response, the non-believing Jewish leaders imprison the apostles and confer amongst themselves. Startlingly, they admit that a genuine miracle had been done, which everyone in Jerusalem has to know. They even go so far as to say that there is no feasible way to deny the fact.
At this point in the story, we naturally expect the Jews to be converted. After all, they have seen a miracle and been told it was done by the power of Jesus Christ. But no. Their response is to try silencing the apostles so that no one else will be carried away by such demonstrations. This tactic, of course, does not work.
It’s amazing that these men could stand in total admission that a miracle had occurred (the very pinnacle of proof that any skeptic might want) and yet still seek to suppress the truth instead of being converted by it. It’s a sobering reminder not to be too optimistic that people will embrace the truth even when they’ve seen it with their own eyes.
At this point in the story, we naturally expect the Jews to be converted. After all, they have seen a miracle and been told it was done by the power of Jesus Christ. But no. Their response is to try silencing the apostles so that no one else will be carried away by such demonstrations. This tactic, of course, does not work.
It’s amazing that these men could stand in total admission that a miracle had occurred (the very pinnacle of proof that any skeptic might want) and yet still seek to suppress the truth instead of being converted by it. It’s a sobering reminder not to be too optimistic that people will embrace the truth even when they’ve seen it with their own eyes.
Thought of the Day 11.02.09
This morning, my boys were squabbling over some toy. Their bickering waxed and waned over several minutes like a piece of music while my wife and I watched with mildly concerned parental amusement. Then, when the scratching and punching started, we paid closer attention, eventually calling a halt to the festivities.
But instead of simply telling the boys to knock it off, we repeated our simple advice to Spencer: “When Ethan wants to fight over something, just let him have it and leave the conflict area.” Rationally, Spencer knows his life will still be worth living even if he doesn’t get this toy this second. But we all have short moral attention spans, and it’s easy to forget in the heat of object-lust.
So I figure another thousand or so repetitions, and he’ll learn that the single best way to have control over a fight is to not be in it. There are surely times to fight, but only the person who is free to not have to do so is qualified to know when he should. There’s just nothing quite as empowering as the ability to yield.
But instead of simply telling the boys to knock it off, we repeated our simple advice to Spencer: “When Ethan wants to fight over something, just let him have it and leave the conflict area.” Rationally, Spencer knows his life will still be worth living even if he doesn’t get this toy this second. But we all have short moral attention spans, and it’s easy to forget in the heat of object-lust.
So I figure another thousand or so repetitions, and he’ll learn that the single best way to have control over a fight is to not be in it. There are surely times to fight, but only the person who is free to not have to do so is qualified to know when he should. There’s just nothing quite as empowering as the ability to yield.
Thought of the Day 10.30.09
“I’m telling you your behavior is sinful because I love you and I want you to know the truth.”
Perhaps. It is possible this is the true motive. On the other hand, it is at least as likely to be a moment of tremendous verbal self-deception.
See, even though Christians know salvation comes by grace, we still often find ourselves talking as if good behavior is what really impresses God. But there’s yet another, even more sinister possibility than mere moralism.
Every advocate wants others to share his beliefs. But that’s because doing so reaffirms his own sense of status as the winner of an idea contest. Since such power grabs are common to every belief system, it’s hard to believe they’re true expressions of Christian love.
So when you criticize sin, are you expressing love, encouraging moralism, or exerting ego? Well, that’s the funny thing about the words themselves. They can’t answer that question for you.
Perhaps. It is possible this is the true motive. On the other hand, it is at least as likely to be a moment of tremendous verbal self-deception.
See, even though Christians know salvation comes by grace, we still often find ourselves talking as if good behavior is what really impresses God. But there’s yet another, even more sinister possibility than mere moralism.
Every advocate wants others to share his beliefs. But that’s because doing so reaffirms his own sense of status as the winner of an idea contest. Since such power grabs are common to every belief system, it’s hard to believe they’re true expressions of Christian love.
So when you criticize sin, are you expressing love, encouraging moralism, or exerting ego? Well, that’s the funny thing about the words themselves. They can’t answer that question for you.
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