“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” With this famous line, Shakespeare flung open a truly significant window on human language. As my father often said to me, you can tell a lot about people by what they bother denying. See, if something isn’t really a concern, you don’t respond to it. But when you vehemently deny something, it’s usually evidence of insecurity or uncertainty being vigorously covered over.
I recalled this over the weekend when I was discussing parenting with a single friend. She wants to be married but hasn’t found the right guy yet, and I almost said to her, “Well, don’t worry, there’s plenty of time.” In a rare moment of restraint, I held my tongue because I realized what an awful thing that would have been to say.
It sounds like an assurance, but in fact it would likely have made her upset because it’s effectively saying that the risk of never finding anyone is so real that it merits denying. In contrast, consider that I’d never bother saying to her, “Don’t worry, the sun will rise tomorrow,” because it’s obviously true. It’s important to realize that our words can easily tell more about what we don’t want to say than about what we actually do say.
TOD 09.07.07
My wife has recently become strongly attached, note I did not say “addicted,” to watching television shows about flipping houses and remodeling, something she’s always wanted to try. One of her favorites is about these people who take $2000 and use it to spruce up houses and prepare them for being on the market. They call the process “staging,” and it can easily mean the difference between selling a house in 6 days or 6 months.
At first it seemed like deception to me. Putting better make-up on a woman doesn’t make her a better wife-candidate, even if it attracts more offers. But then I thought about it differently. It’s just a matter of showing the house in its best light and making people more willing, even eager, to buy it. And if they’re happy doing so, everyone wins.
And I couldn’t help but think of Christians in the public arena and how we so often lament that no one wants to accept our wise and true ideas. And why don’t they? Because we are generally inept at staging, which is a shame, especially since the house we’re representing is worth so much more than the asking price.
At first it seemed like deception to me. Putting better make-up on a woman doesn’t make her a better wife-candidate, even if it attracts more offers. But then I thought about it differently. It’s just a matter of showing the house in its best light and making people more willing, even eager, to buy it. And if they’re happy doing so, everyone wins.
And I couldn’t help but think of Christians in the public arena and how we so often lament that no one wants to accept our wise and true ideas. And why don’t they? Because we are generally inept at staging, which is a shame, especially since the house we’re representing is worth so much more than the asking price.
TOD 09.06.07
Have you ever wished that people were just a little bit more consistent? I mean, if you’re going to drive fast, drive fast. If you’re going to drive slow, drive slow. Stop changing speeds! If you’re going to be interesting, be interesting all the time. If you’re going to be boring, don’t raise my expectations falsely with occasional flashes of comedy or insight.
If you’re going to be good, be good all the time. If you’re going to be wicked, be wicked all the time. Even if you’re going to be mediocre, fine. Just do it consistently. I don’t particularly care which you pick (although I have my preferences), but whatever it is, pick one and stick with it. It’s far easier to figure out how to interact with someone who is always bad than with someone who is sometimes bad and sometimes good.
I’m so sick and tired of trying to navigate my way through a world of unpredictable people. It’s like playing a game where the rules keep changing. I just wish God would have made a world with people who were more predictable, like robots or animals, instead of a world full of inconsistent people…just like me.
If you’re going to be good, be good all the time. If you’re going to be wicked, be wicked all the time. Even if you’re going to be mediocre, fine. Just do it consistently. I don’t particularly care which you pick (although I have my preferences), but whatever it is, pick one and stick with it. It’s far easier to figure out how to interact with someone who is always bad than with someone who is sometimes bad and sometimes good.
I’m so sick and tired of trying to navigate my way through a world of unpredictable people. It’s like playing a game where the rules keep changing. I just wish God would have made a world with people who were more predictable, like robots or animals, instead of a world full of inconsistent people…just like me.
TOD 09.04.07
The other day I was walking between some cars at a strip mall, and I stepped out in front of a bicyclist without looking. He wasn’t all that close, and so I quickly crossed to get out of his way and apologized. He said nothing, which immediately made me think that I hadn’t really done anything wrong. But neither had he. Truly, neither of us was at fault, but only I apologized.
It’s like when I wait for the elevator. If I forget to leave space enough for people to get out, I apologize to them, and usually they do to me as well. And I guess I’ve just developed this habit in all sorts of similar settings. My impulse to apologize is almost instantaneous. And when everyone has this impulse, we all seem to come away from the encounter smiling and not irritated, and not second-guessing who really was right or wrong. At the risk of exaggerating, it seems like this attitude makes everything in society function more smoothly.
Now if I can just get myself to be as consistently decent to the one person I love most: my wife.
It’s like when I wait for the elevator. If I forget to leave space enough for people to get out, I apologize to them, and usually they do to me as well. And I guess I’ve just developed this habit in all sorts of similar settings. My impulse to apologize is almost instantaneous. And when everyone has this impulse, we all seem to come away from the encounter smiling and not irritated, and not second-guessing who really was right or wrong. At the risk of exaggerating, it seems like this attitude makes everything in society function more smoothly.
Now if I can just get myself to be as consistently decent to the one person I love most: my wife.
TOD 09.01.07
Imagine someone told you he wanted a car that was fast, safe, reliable, cool, and cheap. When you stopped laughing, you’d explain to him that there cannot be such a car. But we can easily understand why he might make such a silly request. Americans are used to having perfect products, and if an item has even small defects, we quickly return it, demanding a refund and probably an apology.
Unfortunately, this mindset which is so effectively encouraged by modern capitalism has poisoned our thinking about ideas and people. We find ourselves demanding they be equally free from flaws. If an idea is only 90% true or if a person is only 80% decent, we want a refund. Even worse, if a fairly decent person proclaims a mostly true idea, we reject both because of their joint imperfection rather than embracing their majority benefit.
Our perfect product preference has led us to become intolerant of imperfect ideas and companions. We demand they be “our way, right away“ or else. And I can’t help but wonder if this was as common a problem for people back when the only car they could buy was a horse.
Unfortunately, this mindset which is so effectively encouraged by modern capitalism has poisoned our thinking about ideas and people. We find ourselves demanding they be equally free from flaws. If an idea is only 90% true or if a person is only 80% decent, we want a refund. Even worse, if a fairly decent person proclaims a mostly true idea, we reject both because of their joint imperfection rather than embracing their majority benefit.
Our perfect product preference has led us to become intolerant of imperfect ideas and companions. We demand they be “our way, right away“ or else. And I can’t help but wonder if this was as common a problem for people back when the only car they could buy was a horse.
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