TOD 04.01.08

My son is a lot like his father, which is certainly a mixed blessing. For instance, both Spencer and I are prone to resistance when someone orders us to do something, even though we’d probably do it gladly if we had merely been asked instead. Unfortunately, I recently realized that I’ve gotten in the bad habit of ordering him to do everything, especially small, even trivial things.

So a couple of times last week I deliberately made him aware of something that I wanted him to do, but I emphasized that he didn’t have to do it and that no punishment would follow if he didn’t. The results were interesting. So far, and I admit it’s only been a handful of times, he’s done it every single time, quickly and without resistance.

Now obviously this can’t be the only way I instruct him, but, now that I’m more aware of it, I really like the idea of giving him the chance to practice pleasing his father freely out of love rather than merely obeying his father out of compulsion. Perhaps I’m not the first father to figure this out.

TOD 03.31.08

I love a good deal. In fact, in my perfect world, everything I desire would be free. But there’s a problem with this inclination. In a world where everything is free, I would take everything home. And I don’t have enough storage space for everything, nor enough time to use it all. And if I buy something, I have to store it, care for it, insure it, move it from home to home, and either use it or feel guilty for not doing so.

That’s why it’s so important to realize that things cost much more over the time you own them than when you first purchase them. And this is why it can actually be a blessing for an item to have a higher sticker price. If you’re reluctant to pay so much in the beginning, maybe that’s a way of helping you realize that you’re actually going to be better off not having it over time as well.

It’s important to know that the price of a thing may be the least of the costs associated with its acquisition. As one caller to the show recently quipped, “You may not get everything you pay for, but you will pay for everything you get.”

TOD 03.28.08

Is Christianity objectively true or subjectively true? Because of our fear of the dangers of relativism, we’ve been conditioned to think that objective truth is good and subjective truth is either dangerous or not truth at all. Thus, we eagerly proclaim Christianity objectively true. And it is.

But what about experiencing the presence of God? His power? His Love? And what about our own yearning and love for Him? These are not objective facts. No scientist can measure or verify them. And yet it is precisely these subjective truths experienced alike by all by all Christians that makes our fellowship together possible and our conversations about God meaningful.

Without true facts, we have false religion. But without true experience, we have dead religion or a mere belief system. Yet with both working together, we have a living God Who Is Truth and also loves each precious, individual person with whom He has a personal relationship.

TOD 03.27.08

Imagine for a moment that America suffered a violent coup-d’etat which radically changed the laws in our country. As people adjusted and conformed to the new standards, things seemed to be working fairly well.

But then a guy shows up and tells you that the President, most of Congress, and the Supreme Court secretly survived the revolution by escaping to a island in the Pacific. Right now, they’re planning their return, and, when they come back, everyone who cooperated with the new government will be killed. But everyone who resisted it by encouraging people to live by the old rules and honor the legitimate government will be rewarded for their loyalty. How much effort would you put forth for this new agenda, and what would you be willing to risk for it if you really believed him? And then, how do you think the current government would likely treat you?

See, we’d all like to think that it’s possible to please both God and the other guy who has temporarily been allowed to act like he’s in charge of this world. But it’s just not true. You must pick a side and act accordingly.

TOD 03.26.08

Which is better: permissive parenting or strict parenting? If you’re wise, you resist the impulse to answer such a ridiculous question. The correct response is, “It depends upon the child.” Older children nearing adulthood require less parental control because they should be able to function mostly on their own, whereas younger children need almost total control.

One child at eight may need less than another child at twelve because they have matured unequally. And certainly even one particular child’s need for oversight will change in shape and size over time. The appropriate level of parenting is thus determined by the maturity of the child.

And so it is with governments, where the right amount depends entirely upon the character of the people being governed. Imposing too much government upon wise people is oppression, but imposing too little upon fools is negligent. And just as with parents, the goal should be to structure government in such a way that it properly fits the populace, while doing as much as it can to reduce the need for its own interference.

TOD 03.25.08

As I was reflecting upon the Easter story this weekend, a few things stood out to me. For starters, the resurrection preceded its discovery. A simple fact, I know, but this means that there was some period of time during which the resurrection was true, yet none of the disciples knew or believed it. Later, of course, as the story started to be circulated, even some of Jesus’s closest companions didn’t believe it the first time they were told.

We sometimes pick on Thomas for wanting to touch the wounds of Christ, but most of the disciples didn’t believe until they saw Him with their eyes. Others needed to be told a few times before it became credible to them. See, here’s the thing. I didn’t believe in the resurrection the first time I heard it. In fact, I didn’t believe in it after hearing it so many times that it doesn’t matter what the number was. And then later I did believe.

And sometimes I think we hold it against ourselves that we resisted God, but in those moments it’s useful to remember that even those who walked daily with Him weren’t immediately convinced. The important thing is that we and they eventually were.

TOD 03.24.08

There are two kinds of racism in America. The old racism which has plagued this country for four hundred years is the overt kind that hates blacks and treats them with contempt as inferior humans.

But there is also a new racism which has become almost fashionable in the past twenty years. It’s a racism based on protecting blacks for their own good. For instance, this new racism tends to interpret all criticism of black ideas or behavior as if the critics themselves might be racist, implying that blacks are too immature to handle real criticism. Thus, blacks wind up being held to a lower standard, as if for their own protection. Even just hearing a white man like me discuss this situation makes the new racism suspicious and uncomfortable.

And though I despise the new racism because it masquerades as something good for blacks, I do admit that it’s still far better than the old racism, an evil which it’s sometimes easy to forget is still a reality for many people.

TOD 03.21.08

The problem with bumper stickers so often isn’t what they say, but the fact that they don’t say just one more line which would declare what is logically implied. Here are some of my own suggestions for making bumper stickers a little more honest:

~“No war in Iraq for oil…or for liberating 27 million people either.”
~“Be a voice for choice, every child a wanted child…every unwanted child a corpse.”
~“War is not the answer…we can adjust to oppression.”
~“Hatred is not a family value…instead, just learn to love evil.”
~“Don’t blame me, I voted for the other guy…next time you should just let me pick the winner all by myself.”
~“Give peace a chance…then move on to other options.”

See, it’s important to remember that lies of omission are still lies.

TOD 03.20.08

In the process of buying a new car recently, I noticed something fascinating about car discussions. When it comes to American cars, the battle lines are deep and heated. Ford people hate Chevys. GM drivers despise Ford. And so it goes.

But it’s just not this way with Japanese brands. Honda owners will agree that Mazdas are also good. Camry drivers might prefer Toyota, but they’ll acknowledge the value of an Accord as well. In short, people who own Japanese cars usually have nothing but good things to say about other Japanese makes. You’ll just never see a window sticker of Calvin disrespecting a Mitsubishi symbol, unless it’s on an American truck.

So, if you were buying a car and the only thing you had to go on was this one difference, would you be more likely to buy American or Japanese? And what I wind up wondering is whether we are willing to learn a lesson from this that might influence the way we publicly discuss Christian brands other than our own.

TOD 03.19.08

I find TV ads fascinating, especially the ones where they show a car or a truck doing some stunning feat with the added emphasis that this trick is so amazing that only a professional on a closed track may perform it. Thrilling stuff, indeed.

But here’s my concern. Although I find these exotic demonstrations impressive, I don’t actually know how impressive they are. And I always have the sense that they are probably just compellingly packaged presentations by a better-dressed carnival barker. Could other trucks stop that quickly? Could other cars make that turn? Would the champagne glasses tumble off another vehicle’s hood? I just don’t know. And that’s the point.

The feats in these ads impress me, not because of my vast knowledge of automotive capacities, but because of my vast ignorance of them. And this makes me suspicious. If Consumers Reports doesn’t use these tests, why not? Perhaps because for all their flair, they prove nothing…other than how easy it is to impress us who know so little.

TOD 03.18.08

The worst threats to what is good in life do not come from obvious fakes which are easily spotted. The real danger is from the high quality counterfeits which imitate the authentic so well that they fool many people.

For example, you may know everything there is to know about a public figure (even more than he knows about himself, perhaps), but this does not mean that you know him. You may really love the idea of having children, but that is not the same as feeling pain at every separation from a particular cherub. You may recognize that the person you are dating is a wonderful catch, but that is never the same as being personally captivated by her. In all of these cases, there is a similar problem: being attached to an abstraction which some reality happens to satisfy rather than being attached to the reality itself.

And as you would suspect, this is even more the case when it comes to God. Many people know about God, love the idea of God, and even recognize God’s wondrous qualities. Tragically, none of these things is even the most remote substitute for loving God, Himself.

The child may know less, understand less, and appreciate less about his father, but he is still his daddy’s boy. And that is the truth that counts.

TOD 03.17.08

“I’d rather watch paint dry…or grass grow…or water evaporate.” Such expressions are born of the notion that entertainment ought to be more interesting than mundane reality. But consider some of the great art in history such as “Ode on a Grecian Urn,” Monet’s water lilies, or even cummings’s poem about a world mudlucious and puddle wonderful. These aren’t vicarious peeping Tom exposures to exotic events. They’re epic expansions of the ordinary.

They glorify God by teaching us to find awe in an easily overlooked reality rather than exploiting our train-wreck impulse and riveting our attention to things ever stranger and more remote from our lives. Paint drying, grass growing, and water evaporating are bafflingly wondrous events. The question is whether men raised on inverted art can appreciate them.

Shakespeare wrote dozens of sonnets on beauty and love, whereas Aerosmith sung about Love in an Elevator. And in a world drooling over the blasphemous variety of the pornographic, how will men ever learn to take joy in the rich commonness of a single woman for the rest of their lives life…or a simple Savior?

Children aren’t born thinking the world is boring. They had to learn the error from someone.

TOD 03.14.08

No exaggeration, this is the conversation I happened to walk up behind last week while on vacation, and, I kid you not, it was all going on in a southern accent.

Woman 1: “I’ve been reading on the Internet an email about the ten similarities between Barack Obama and the antichrist.”
Man 1: “Well you know he comes from the same part of the country that the Bible teaches that the antichrist would come from.”
Man 2: “I always knew the antichrist would be a democrat. That’s why they call ‘em demon-crats, ain’t it?”

I wish I could tell you that I made the perfect comment, but I was so flabbergasted that I couldn’t even think straight enough to find the right words. I guess in the end I was just glad that I had been the only one to overhear this absurdity, and not someone just considering Christianity or a political liberal. The embarrassing thing, of course, is to imagine how many things that have come out of my own mouth over the years have made Jesus react to me as I reacted to them.

There’s a reason the Bible says to not seek to become a teacher.

TOD 03.13.08

Some of my favorite questions are the ones that trouble me and linger without being fully answered. Here’s an example. What does it say about us that our ordinary activities of life don’t make it into movies? Though eating, doing laundry, changing diapers, mowing the grass, and going to church might be in a movie, they aren’t ever the bulk of it.

Rather, movies are always made entertaining by omitting, exaggerating, and accelerating elements of reality. Is it evidence of a pathology that we desire to consume something so other than the actual life God has given us? Is it a defect to want a life that is free from monotony? Is it a form of idolatry to be enticed by and to deliberately seek entertainment which is devoid of all the things that make up the vast substance of ordinary life? Are we saying that God did it wrong in the way He made us…that His gift of life was too poorly made to deserve replication in our artwork? Further, what tasks in ordinary life go undone when we indulge in such distracting entertainment?

Perhaps the only thing more troubling than such questions would be the person who finds them untroubling at all.

TOD 03.12.08

I’ve recently rediscovered my old love of doing crossword puzzles. Oh, I’m no expert by any means, but I can usually solve the LA Times puzzle Monday through Thursday. Sunday just makes me cry. But on the plane to Florida last week, I started crafting clever clues for words. Then I started fiddling with a grid, and I wound up creating a whole crossword over the course of a few days…a good one, I might add.

Before submitting it to the newspaper, I discovered from their guidelines that I had broken several different rules and it couldn’t be accepted. I was devastated, but then again I wasn’t. See, I knew that I had enjoyed making it. A lot. And even though I couldn’t sell it, I could still share it with my friends and maybe even on my blog. Would I have done it just for fun anyway? Probably. And that’s why it was a useful reminder.

The best case scenario is to always try to be doing things that we would do for their own sake even if no money comes from it. It’s a good safeguard against allowing ourselves to be tempted into anything for the love of money…or a byline.

TOD 03.11.08

I hate it when I fail, and I especially hate it when I feel like I failed because of fear and poor thinking. The other day, I was at the park with my wife and kids and there were about 20 other kids there on their own, but no adults…other than one guy. He was 45 or 50, and he was just sitting there watching the kids. This immediately made me suspicious, so I kept an eye on him. After a very long time, he eventually walked off, but I never did say anything to him.

I wasn’t afraid of what would happen if he was a bad guy. If that was the case, I obviously wanted to know. I was afraid of falsely accusing or irritating a good guy. Only later did I realize that a decent person wouldn’t be bothered by me confronting him because he’d recognize the value of a society that protects kids that way. How do I know? Because that’s how a parent like me would respond. I’d kind of be glad to be challenged in a similar situation. So what did I learn?

Think a situation all the way through, and follow your strong instincts. The safety of children is everyone’s business, and the Golden Rule applies in many different ways.

TOD 03.10.08

When we were in Florida last week, we had a chance to go to Sanibel Island and spend some time shelling on the beach. The boys, of course, loved it. As I kept looking for above average shells, I started to notice two patterns.

The first pattern was that some color would catch my eye, and when I bent down to pick it up, it would be the inside of a shell. Naturally, I expected the exterior to be even more spectacular, but it never was. In fact, the prettiest interiors seemed to always go with the dullest exteriors. I also noticed something about the location of the neatest shells. Sure, many of them were in the water, but I actually found that by merely combing my fingers through the sand back up where our towels were I could usually find several appealing shells buried there without even having to go down and get wet, where everyone else was looking.

So, the most beautiful insides seem to be on the dullest outsides, and the best place to find outstanding shells seemed to be right where I was rather than somewhere else. Perhaps there’s a lesson or two in there somewhere.

TOD 03.10.08

When we were in Florida last week, we had a chance to go to Sanibel Island and spend some time shelling on the beach. The boys, of course, loved it. As I kept looking for above average shells, I started to notice two patterns.

The first pattern was that some color would catch my eye, and when I bent down to pick it up, it would be the inside of a shell. Naturally, I expected the exterior to be even more spectacular, but it never was. In fact, the prettiest interiors seemed to always go with the dullest exteriors.

I also noticed something about the location of the neatest shells. Sure, many of them were in the water, but I actually found that by merely combing my fingers through the sand back up where our towels were I could usually find several appealing shells buried there without even having to go down and get wet, where everyone else was looking.

So, the most beautiful insides seem to be on the dullest outsides, and the best place to find outstanding shells seemed to be right where I was rather than somewhere else. Perhaps there’s a lesson or two in there somewhere.

TOD 03.07.08

On vacation the other day, I was eating breakfast by the pool when I noticed this mother clearly having difficulty with her daughter. The reason I and everyone else on the patio noticed her was that the little girl was having a meltdown, screaming and complaining like a diva. I could see from the mother’s face that she was frustrated by her daughter but also embarrassed to know she was disturbing all the people on the patio. But the worst part for her, I suspect, was the idea that all these strangers were judging her in their irritation.

But we weren’t, at least those of us who have children of our own weren’t. We’ve all been there. I shared an understanding glance with an older woman near me that I wished the mother could have seen. I never did manage to figure out a good way to tell her that we weren’t judging her. But even though I didn’t send the message directly, I prayed that she would know she’s not alone in this thing. We’re all in there with her, feeling far more compassion than she will ever know.

And if any of us aren’t, well, then they aren’t really “us” in the first place, are they?